Your mouth is God's brothel.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
