Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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