It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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