Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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