I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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