imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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