It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
