I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
