dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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