My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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