Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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