They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
