It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
