I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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