Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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