I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
