We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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