This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
