Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
