I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
