My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
