Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
