Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
