He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
