in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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