Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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