You can't special order awesome
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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