that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
