dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I want her autograph on my taint
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
