Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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