So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
