Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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