Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
