dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
