9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
