Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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