I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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