I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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