I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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