You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
