I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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