My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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