and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
