I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
