Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
