Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
