Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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