thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
