I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
2020 sucks, I want a refund
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
