You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
