Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
