I think my fart just growled at me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
