I can tuck mytits in my pants
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
