After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
