i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
