Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
