He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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