Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
